To be better

I got to feed my son tonight. He drank silently and continued his dreaming. I watched and kissed his sweet face and became overwhelmed with love and determination to do better, to be better and to make others better along my path. 

I was reminded of how I felt when he was first placed in my arms. The spirit told me he would be a powerful influence of good. He would bless many lives and that his birth and the people who had been touched by him already, was proof of that.

Sometimes I forget about that experience, like when I am trying to vacuum but my superman needs to be held because the humming of the cleaner frightens him. I get into the mom routine and forget the greater callig I have. I need to better myself for him. I need to be his rock. Solid and steadfast. 

I saw me in him tonight. His smile felt like mine. We were whispering to eachother about how excited we are to become an eternal family. Anytime I talk about the temple, he stares into my eyes and smiles from ear to ear. The toothless grin melts me. His tossed, golden locks remind me of his birth mom, but I am glad that he has some of me in him too. We also devised a plan to make his baby blessing beyond memorable for all in attendance. ( I'll share our secret, if you promise not to tell anyone.) We decided that when J gives him his blessing at church he would burst out into a million giggles and won't stop until the blessing is done. Superman loved that idea and showed me his approval by practicing his giggles as he half-heartedly sucked on his binki. Oh I can't wait.

I wish everyone could feel loved the way he and I do. I don't know why others don't have it. It makes me want to change the world. Everyone deserves love, no matter what choices they have made. I know that and God is love. If only everyone could find him.

Zombie Land Changes

Zombie land has changed. I'm more cranky.  I wish I wasn't, but I am when I have to sleep train my 5 month old to self sooth at 3am and then have to work the next day.  But, I still wouldn't change it for the world.  Currently the little zombie maker is making a grunt/ humming noise that he makes just before he goes into the dreamworld. It is the best sound.

Superman is now 5 months old.  In one more month we will be able to finalize the adoption and we will be his legal parents, even more exciting, we get to be sealed together in the LDS temple.  The temple is a holy place where a man and a women can be married for time and all eternity.  J and I were sealed together almost 5 years ago.  Now, our beautiful, perfect little boy gets to be sealed with us.  When death comes we won't be separated but rather an eternal family.  

I learned a lesson recently.  I needed to change something that I was neglecting to do in my life.  I was even kindly chastised to change my lack of commitment toward this.  It was hard to change.  It wasn't something simple.  Really it would require huge sacrifices! Luckily, my heart was humbled a great deal. So, I made the changes, did what I had to, and gave up what I needed to in order to make things right. The relief was increadible, when I made the change.  Immediately I felt the spirit enter my heart and remind me of the love God has for me.  Now, I have changed.  I know this may not make sense, but when I decided to make sacrifices I got more in return. Peace, power, knowledge, desire and love. I guess sacrifice really does bring forth blessings. 

Just reread this, a bit random.... Oh well.