Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Dreaming
I had a dream the other night of a little girl. I was pregnant through artificial insemination, gave birth and then named her Denver. We called her Denny for short because of Pay's brother. Then I was diagnosed with cancer. The nurses weren't sure it really was cancer. Totally crazy. It makes sense to me because this is similar to what happened to my bestie, but why do I still dream of Denny?
Friday, February 7, 2014
Finalization
1/28/2014
Today was an emotional roller coaster.
Today was an emotional roller coaster.
First: My baby boy!! I can write about you with your name and not be worried about people finding out anymore. You are mine.
The past few nights I have been overwhelmed, to say the least, and full of excitement and love for the day of finalization for your adoption. I wanted everything to be perfect for you, the sealing in the temple and for your blessing. I have been trying my best to organize all of the details of the events and invite everyone that I love to join, which is 99.9% of the human race. I made Daddy help me deep clean the entire upstairs, bathroom, living room and anywhere else we could get to. Personally, I don't like to clean, actually... does anyone? But I clean when I get nervous, and I was so nervous, not because of you, but because I didn't know what to expect.
Here are a few silly things I did last night because I wanted things to go smoothly. First, I realized after you went to bed, that I didn't have a nice shirt for you to wear. (You have nice shirts, but I wanted you to wear a little suit. You had a growth spurt last week and the shirts I wanted you to wear didn't fit! Ahhh! (That's how I felt at the time. Maybe I was a bit irrational. I'm over it now.) So, after I read you the scriptures, a few more books, sang some songs and put you down for bed, I rushed to 5 different stores to find a suit for you to wear. NOTHING. No one had suits in your size. :( I did find a very handsome button up shirt and slacks, though.
Second, I had to go to school to get a few things ready for my sub. Since the beginning of January, I've had to go back to work full time. You will probably hear me say that I hate getting subs to teach my class. This is because it takes Mommy, and any teacher for that matter, a lot of time to write plans for someone to take over the class. Well, I rushed to school to print off my sub plans and to get everything ready for the Substitute and my little 1st grade munchkins. (PS, I have a picture of you on my school computer, anytime I project the computer screen my class ooo's and aw's over you. "Oh!!!! Baby Patch is just soooo cute!")
Third, when I got home, I noticed that Daddy needed his hair cut. I have been thinking about this for a while, but since I am busy playing with you and trying to work, I didn't have time to give his hair a trim, so I sat your Popsie down and cut his hair. He didn't see why I had to do this so late at night, but when I get an urge to cut his hair, I just have to get it done. (I do this with your too. :) Your hair looks pretty good, cuz I trim it a lot.)
Fourth, I finally got a shower and picked my clothing out for the next day. I wanted everything ready. Fifth, I got all of your things ready as well. I tell ya, I was like a mad women, energizer bunny style. I just kept going! Finally I crawled into bed and tried to sleep, but my mind was racing a mile a minute and sleep came much later.
Second, I had to go to school to get a few things ready for my sub. Since the beginning of January, I've had to go back to work full time. You will probably hear me say that I hate getting subs to teach my class. This is because it takes Mommy, and any teacher for that matter, a lot of time to write plans for someone to take over the class. Well, I rushed to school to print off my sub plans and to get everything ready for the Substitute and my little 1st grade munchkins. (PS, I have a picture of you on my school computer, anytime I project the computer screen my class ooo's and aw's over you. "Oh!!!! Baby Patch is just soooo cute!")
Third, when I got home, I noticed that Daddy needed his hair cut. I have been thinking about this for a while, but since I am busy playing with you and trying to work, I didn't have time to give his hair a trim, so I sat your Popsie down and cut his hair. He didn't see why I had to do this so late at night, but when I get an urge to cut his hair, I just have to get it done. (I do this with your too. :) Your hair looks pretty good, cuz I trim it a lot.)
Fourth, I finally got a shower and picked my clothing out for the next day. I wanted everything ready. Fifth, I got all of your things ready as well. I tell ya, I was like a mad women, energizer bunny style. I just kept going! Finally I crawled into bed and tried to sleep, but my mind was racing a mile a minute and sleep came much later.
The next morning I was on cloud 9. It was finally here. Finalization! My heart was bursting with nervous excitement and... well .... PEACE. Yes peace, even though I was nervous, the peace was still there and very strong. Daddy and I woke up at 8:15 thinking, in our sleep deprived minds, that we didn't have to wake up until 9. Oh know, we needed to be to the courthouse at 9. Thank goodness for cell phone reminders. We made it there at 8:56. You were wearing your new, striped, button up shirt with blue slacks. And your hair, well it was sooo handsome! I brushed it to the side to make you look very professional. Nothing could have made you look more adorable!
When we got inside the courthouse, the officers checking us in were sweet as can be. They mentioned how happy they were for us and admired your head of hair and big blue eyes. The building was peaceful with only one other group there. It felt like the entire world had stopped for a moment and focused only on our little family. My favorite moment was when Popsie and I were waiting outside the court room for our attorney and caseworker. The morning sun was shining brightly through the glass windows and illuminated the entire hallway. You kept wanting to look directly into the beams of light. Daddy tried to stop you because he thought you might become blind. At that time, I knew that no matter what challenges our life brought, we were going to be the happiest family in the world. We had each other. My heart began to burst even more than it already had. The tears started forming and I tried to choke them down. Daddy just smiled at me and gave me a little tease.
When our caseworker and attorney got there, we went over some final details of what to expect and then entered the court room. We were the first case of the day, but other people trickled in to wait for their turn while we were waiting for the judge. We waited for what seemed like an eternity! Our judge was in a meeting that went over and was unable to make it in time. My anticipation grew and so did my emotions. I tried to hold it in, but my gratitude was overflowing and I found myself deep in thought about the events of the past 6 months. Your birth, the open adoption, the way Daddy looks at you when he gives you a bottle in the middle of the night, your sweet jabbers and your tiny hands clinging to my shoulder as we snuggle. I knew that if the judge didn't get there soon I would completely loose my ability to speak clearly through my hysterical sobbing. (I so wish I could be one of those people who didn't sound like a drowning cat when they cry.) I cry all the time now. Happy cries!
While we were waiting the bailiff chatted with us. She couldn't get over how cute and attentive to the situation you were. She asked a few questions trying to understand the adoption process. Her talking to us, and being so friendly, helped to calm my nerves.
Finally, the judge arrived clearly annoyed with whomever kept him at the meeting for so long. Our attorney warned us that our judge was very serious in the courtroom and to keep our answers free from humor. I knew this would be hard for your Dad. He likes to make jokes. But the judge was kind, he did have a serious demeanor, but I could tell he was happy to be there for an adoption case.
Dustin Erickson, our attorney first asked Charity, our caseworker to go to the stand and answer a few questions. What is your job? Did you help with the adoption? Did you visit their home? Do you feel like they have bonded with Patrick? Do you think it would be in the best interest to have Patrick stay in their home? She gave us the clear in all areas.
Then Dustin asked Dad some questions. What is your name? Spell it for me? (Which Dad got a little nervous and stuttered over how to spell his middle name.) What year were you born? Who are you married to? When did you get married? Then he asked Jeff to tell the judge how he felt about the relationship he has with you. Daddy said that he loved you and that he enjoys waking up with you at night. Since he has been able to stay at home with you, he told the judge that he was very grateful to be able to have a chance to be home with you, and that he is looking forward to watching you grow up. (Daddy and you are best friends.)
Then it was my turn. What is your name? Spell it for me? What year were you born? Who are you married to? When did you get married? And then, when he asked that question, I lost it. The tears came and the drowning cat sounds blubbered from my lips. Daddy looked at me and asked if I remembered the answer to the question. I gave him the most annoyed look, like of course I remember! I'm a bit feisty sometimes... ok always. The emotions just came and I couldn't hold them back anymore. At that time, the judge sweetly said, "Take as long as you need." Dustin, reassured me and I gained some composer. The spirit entered the court room. My heart was bursting, and I started to speak. It came out so fast that I can't remember everything I said. I do remember that I started by saying that I loved you more than anything. I also said that I never once thought that you didn't belong with us and that I felt like we were meant to be a family. I shared how I loved being with you even though you get cranky sometimes and that I want nothing more than to be your mom forever. After my tear felt statement, I heard sniffles coming from behind me and saw that the bailiff was also in tears. The judge had a softness to his eyes, Dustin 's eyes were misty, Daddy looked proud and I can't even remember if Charity was crying or not.
Dustin then turned the time over to the judge and he read the prepared statement of the details of the case. He then stated that he has seen that we obviously love and care for you. That he thought we would be good parents and that from this day forth we will be a family in the eyes of the law.
Immediately, a weight lifted from my shoulders. A weight that I had become accustomed to. I didn't realize that I was still carrying it. I had been worried about the what if's of everything. What if your birth dad fought the adoption? What if Mama B changes her mind? What if the judge says no. what if we don't get approved. Even though some of those what if's weren't even possible, the crazy side of me would think about them. But all of the what if's were gone! You became ours. Officially. You have always been part of us. I never thought differently, but it was a relief to have the court see that as well.
Afterward, two women came up to us. Daddy was getting copies of some documents and Charity and I were playing with you when the women tapped me on the shoulder. They said that they had been in the court room with us and that listening to how much we love you made their day. They said their lives were better for being in court today, because they got to witness us turning into a family. Charity smiled and after the women left she said, "I knew this little boy was going to keep changing lives." I agree.
We stayed just a few minutes longer and then got into the car and drove to McDonald's to get some breakfast for Mom and Dad. You were almost ready for a nap. The day was perfect!
When we got inside the courthouse, the officers checking us in were sweet as can be. They mentioned how happy they were for us and admired your head of hair and big blue eyes. The building was peaceful with only one other group there. It felt like the entire world had stopped for a moment and focused only on our little family. My favorite moment was when Popsie and I were waiting outside the court room for our attorney and caseworker. The morning sun was shining brightly through the glass windows and illuminated the entire hallway. You kept wanting to look directly into the beams of light. Daddy tried to stop you because he thought you might become blind. At that time, I knew that no matter what challenges our life brought, we were going to be the happiest family in the world. We had each other. My heart began to burst even more than it already had. The tears started forming and I tried to choke them down. Daddy just smiled at me and gave me a little tease.
When our caseworker and attorney got there, we went over some final details of what to expect and then entered the court room. We were the first case of the day, but other people trickled in to wait for their turn while we were waiting for the judge. We waited for what seemed like an eternity! Our judge was in a meeting that went over and was unable to make it in time. My anticipation grew and so did my emotions. I tried to hold it in, but my gratitude was overflowing and I found myself deep in thought about the events of the past 6 months. Your birth, the open adoption, the way Daddy looks at you when he gives you a bottle in the middle of the night, your sweet jabbers and your tiny hands clinging to my shoulder as we snuggle. I knew that if the judge didn't get there soon I would completely loose my ability to speak clearly through my hysterical sobbing. (I so wish I could be one of those people who didn't sound like a drowning cat when they cry.) I cry all the time now. Happy cries!
While we were waiting the bailiff chatted with us. She couldn't get over how cute and attentive to the situation you were. She asked a few questions trying to understand the adoption process. Her talking to us, and being so friendly, helped to calm my nerves.
Finally, the judge arrived clearly annoyed with whomever kept him at the meeting for so long. Our attorney warned us that our judge was very serious in the courtroom and to keep our answers free from humor. I knew this would be hard for your Dad. He likes to make jokes. But the judge was kind, he did have a serious demeanor, but I could tell he was happy to be there for an adoption case.
Dustin Erickson, our attorney first asked Charity, our caseworker to go to the stand and answer a few questions. What is your job? Did you help with the adoption? Did you visit their home? Do you feel like they have bonded with Patrick? Do you think it would be in the best interest to have Patrick stay in their home? She gave us the clear in all areas.
Then Dustin asked Dad some questions. What is your name? Spell it for me? (Which Dad got a little nervous and stuttered over how to spell his middle name.) What year were you born? Who are you married to? When did you get married? Then he asked Jeff to tell the judge how he felt about the relationship he has with you. Daddy said that he loved you and that he enjoys waking up with you at night. Since he has been able to stay at home with you, he told the judge that he was very grateful to be able to have a chance to be home with you, and that he is looking forward to watching you grow up. (Daddy and you are best friends.)
Then it was my turn. What is your name? Spell it for me? What year were you born? Who are you married to? When did you get married? And then, when he asked that question, I lost it. The tears came and the drowning cat sounds blubbered from my lips. Daddy looked at me and asked if I remembered the answer to the question. I gave him the most annoyed look, like of course I remember! I'm a bit feisty sometimes... ok always. The emotions just came and I couldn't hold them back anymore. At that time, the judge sweetly said, "Take as long as you need." Dustin, reassured me and I gained some composer. The spirit entered the court room. My heart was bursting, and I started to speak. It came out so fast that I can't remember everything I said. I do remember that I started by saying that I loved you more than anything. I also said that I never once thought that you didn't belong with us and that I felt like we were meant to be a family. I shared how I loved being with you even though you get cranky sometimes and that I want nothing more than to be your mom forever. After my tear felt statement, I heard sniffles coming from behind me and saw that the bailiff was also in tears. The judge had a softness to his eyes, Dustin 's eyes were misty, Daddy looked proud and I can't even remember if Charity was crying or not.
Dustin then turned the time over to the judge and he read the prepared statement of the details of the case. He then stated that he has seen that we obviously love and care for you. That he thought we would be good parents and that from this day forth we will be a family in the eyes of the law.
Immediately, a weight lifted from my shoulders. A weight that I had become accustomed to. I didn't realize that I was still carrying it. I had been worried about the what if's of everything. What if your birth dad fought the adoption? What if Mama B changes her mind? What if the judge says no. what if we don't get approved. Even though some of those what if's weren't even possible, the crazy side of me would think about them. But all of the what if's were gone! You became ours. Officially. You have always been part of us. I never thought differently, but it was a relief to have the court see that as well.
Afterward, two women came up to us. Daddy was getting copies of some documents and Charity and I were playing with you when the women tapped me on the shoulder. They said that they had been in the court room with us and that listening to how much we love you made their day. They said their lives were better for being in court today, because they got to witness us turning into a family. Charity smiled and after the women left she said, "I knew this little boy was going to keep changing lives." I agree.
We stayed just a few minutes longer and then got into the car and drove to McDonald's to get some breakfast for Mom and Dad. You were almost ready for a nap. The day was perfect!
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Heaven On Earth
Date: February 1, 2014
Patrick, today we got sealed in the temple. It was amazing! Of course, I couldn't sleep again because so many things were going through my mind. So, after you went to bed I went over to Nana and Papa A's hotel to spend time with them. It was nice to visit. I really miss having them live only 30 minutes away. Nana didn't even look that bad from her accident the other day. She fell a few hours after your adoption on the 28th and cut her face badly on some picture frames. I thought she was going to have lots of stitch-filled cuts around her face, but she only had 2 large cuts on her nose and two black eyes. I was relieved to see that she wasn't looking like Frankenstein. She still may have to get surgery, but I'm grateful she is okay.
Nana brought your sealing and blessing outfit that Aunt RonNell bought for you. It's true what all of those Utah Valley women said to RonNell, "It is so cute." It is a two-piece, white, satin suit. The top had a tie and vest and the bottom pants were ironed with cuffs. I couldn't wait to see you in it.
Afterward I came home to hopefully go to bed, but then I forgot to get something so then I went to Walmart to get 3 things. Because I was so tired I ended up wandering around FOREVER! I should have been in and out, but my brain wasn't working. I finally got the things we needed for the next day and went home. Ahhh! It was so nice to come home and to have the house quiet. Everyone was asleep and I got to do some writing about placement. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep while writing, but it was a great way to fall asleep.
The next morning I woke up at 5:00 and decided to hop in the shower, get ready and feed you when you woke up at 6. Usually you sleep until 8:00 I think you must have been excited as well. We let Daddy sleep in and we tried on your new outfit. Guess what.... it barely fit. the pants were perfect size, but the top was tight around your tummy and a little too short. Curse that growth spurt. But you still looked dashing in it.
Then Aunt Mele and Uncle Justin came down with cousin Channing to eat breakfast and visit. You were tired, so we put you down for a nap. I ate some breakfast and then, too calm some nerves, took Charlie dog on a walk. It was freezing! But definitely worth it. The morning was so calm and serene. I wondered why I don't take Charlie on walks every morning. Then I remembered that I would have been at school by that time so obviously I couldn't.
Well we got ready and as we were about to leave Aunt Holly showed up to babysit cousin Channing, Ryan and Makayla. Your Aunt Julia, Uncle Cameron, Great Aunt Leanne and Great Papa K came by too. So, getting out the door was a little crazy. Our house has a small living room. It wasn't a surpirse that right as we pulled out of the drive way I realized we left something and needed to run back in. It was your white sealing outfit. We definitely needed that.
As we drove to the temple, I said a prayer with you and Daddy. And, yes, I did cry. I was just sooo HAPPY! This is what I was waiting for. I had so much anxiety about not being sealed. Not having you sealed to someone. I wanted that for you so badly. It was the perfect drive. You cooed in your car seat and Daddy and I held hands. LOVED IT!
We got to the temple and felt a little weird carrying a baby into the temple doors. Usually only adults go inside, but this was a special occasion. When we got there, the temple workers treated us like royalty. We checked in and took you to the baby room. That is where the children go to be looked after while their parents get ready for the ceremony. You were so happy to go. There were two sweet women excited to play with you.
I got ready in the bridal room. It has 8 small vanities with beautiful mirrors all around so the brides can prepare themselves for their special day. I was the only women getting ready. They had many other women there to help me out. They made me feel like it was my wedding day all over again. I guess it kind of is like that. Temple weddings are for a husband and wife to get married for time and all eternity. If they have children biologically, then those children are automatically sealed to the parents, like the mom and dad are sealed to each other. Daddy and I already got married in a temple, but since Daddy and I couldn't create you with our bodies, we wanted to have you sealed to us. We wanted to be a family forever! Eternity.
As I Daddy and I walked through the halls of the temple going to our changing rooms, I looked at Daddy and was so in love with him. He is an honest, kind and loving person. At that moment, everything felt right. Everything was absolutely perfect. He is the love of my life, and I want you to know that we love each other as much as we love you. Love grows and grows. I'm one lucky girl.
Patrick, everyone that could be there, was there. So many more people wanted to. When I saw your Papa Andersen I loved on his face about as much as I loved on yours! Papa A is my dad and he has made me who I am today. It was hard to see him in a wheelchair, but it was kinda fun pushing him around in it. Oh, he loves you soo much! Papa A and Papa C were the witnesses to your sealing. Nana A sat next to me and held my hand and who while the sealer was talking to us. CeeCee got to hold you at the alter when the ceremony took place.
We got sealed in a very special room called the sealing room. There are many rooms like this in the temple. It is where families are sealed together, so they are used often. In each of these rooms are mirrors on both sides of the wall. They are there to symbolize eternity. If you look into one, you can see the other and the image of you goes on forever. There is also a soft cushioned alter where we got to kneel to promise to Heavenly Father that we would take care of each other. Well, that Daddy and I would take care of you and be your forever family.
Patch, the sealing was so beautiful. You were beyond happy and quiet. Aunt RonNell said that she has never witnessed a sealing with a baby that was that good! I of course sobbed. I couldn't help it! It reminded me of when I married your father, and how in love I am with him. It reminded me of my own family and that my siblings, whether they were biological or adopted are sealed to me forever. It reminded me of Mama B and that she would one day be sealed to her love and that we would be connected to her forever. AND, It reminded me mostly of how much I had dreamed of you, wrote to you and loved you from even before you were a thought in Mama B's tummy. I had cuddled with one of your baby blankets month before I knew you were a possibility. Nana had made it and I begged her to give it to me. She first said no, that I would have to wait until I had kids. I convinced her to give it to me anyway. (She knew how sad I was that my babies weren't on their way yet.) So I chose one. She tried to convince me to wait because some were for girls and some for boys, and she said I needed to wait until I knew what kind of baby would be coming before taking a blanket. I told her I knew that one day I would have a little boy and that the blanket would be his. So I chose your blanket, having no idea that you would be coming to us so soon. Something in me knew that you were coming and that you were somehow part of me, even though I couldn't grow you.
The ceremony took less than a minute, but it is by far the most important ceremony in all the world. You have an eternal family because the gospel has been restored and the blessings of the temple are on the earth again. Oh, how I hope that you can understand that when you get older. The spirit was so incredibly strong. In no way could I forget that moment of our lives. I wish every family could witness that.
The temple was beautiful. Not just for how it looks, but for how it makes you feel and for what it does for families. Everything that is done in the temple is to bless families. To help families be together forever and to get closer to our Father in Heaven. I wish I could tell you every detail of what happened, but many things are very special and sacred. I hope that one day you will be able to return to the temple and go back often. I hope that you will have the desire to make good promises with God and try to be more like him. That really is all the temple does. It gets us closer to our Daddy upstairs.
Baby boy, I could write to you all night. I could kiss you all day, but I should go to bed. I will write more later.
Patrick, today we got sealed in the temple. It was amazing! Of course, I couldn't sleep again because so many things were going through my mind. So, after you went to bed I went over to Nana and Papa A's hotel to spend time with them. It was nice to visit. I really miss having them live only 30 minutes away. Nana didn't even look that bad from her accident the other day. She fell a few hours after your adoption on the 28th and cut her face badly on some picture frames. I thought she was going to have lots of stitch-filled cuts around her face, but she only had 2 large cuts on her nose and two black eyes. I was relieved to see that she wasn't looking like Frankenstein. She still may have to get surgery, but I'm grateful she is okay.
Nana brought your sealing and blessing outfit that Aunt RonNell bought for you. It's true what all of those Utah Valley women said to RonNell, "It is so cute." It is a two-piece, white, satin suit. The top had a tie and vest and the bottom pants were ironed with cuffs. I couldn't wait to see you in it.
Afterward I came home to hopefully go to bed, but then I forgot to get something so then I went to Walmart to get 3 things. Because I was so tired I ended up wandering around FOREVER! I should have been in and out, but my brain wasn't working. I finally got the things we needed for the next day and went home. Ahhh! It was so nice to come home and to have the house quiet. Everyone was asleep and I got to do some writing about placement. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep while writing, but it was a great way to fall asleep.
The next morning I woke up at 5:00 and decided to hop in the shower, get ready and feed you when you woke up at 6. Usually you sleep until 8:00 I think you must have been excited as well. We let Daddy sleep in and we tried on your new outfit. Guess what.... it barely fit. the pants were perfect size, but the top was tight around your tummy and a little too short. Curse that growth spurt. But you still looked dashing in it.
Then Aunt Mele and Uncle Justin came down with cousin Channing to eat breakfast and visit. You were tired, so we put you down for a nap. I ate some breakfast and then, too calm some nerves, took Charlie dog on a walk. It was freezing! But definitely worth it. The morning was so calm and serene. I wondered why I don't take Charlie on walks every morning. Then I remembered that I would have been at school by that time so obviously I couldn't.
Well we got ready and as we were about to leave Aunt Holly showed up to babysit cousin Channing, Ryan and Makayla. Your Aunt Julia, Uncle Cameron, Great Aunt Leanne and Great Papa K came by too. So, getting out the door was a little crazy. Our house has a small living room. It wasn't a surpirse that right as we pulled out of the drive way I realized we left something and needed to run back in. It was your white sealing outfit. We definitely needed that.
As we drove to the temple, I said a prayer with you and Daddy. And, yes, I did cry. I was just sooo HAPPY! This is what I was waiting for. I had so much anxiety about not being sealed. Not having you sealed to someone. I wanted that for you so badly. It was the perfect drive. You cooed in your car seat and Daddy and I held hands. LOVED IT!
We got to the temple and felt a little weird carrying a baby into the temple doors. Usually only adults go inside, but this was a special occasion. When we got there, the temple workers treated us like royalty. We checked in and took you to the baby room. That is where the children go to be looked after while their parents get ready for the ceremony. You were so happy to go. There were two sweet women excited to play with you.
I got ready in the bridal room. It has 8 small vanities with beautiful mirrors all around so the brides can prepare themselves for their special day. I was the only women getting ready. They had many other women there to help me out. They made me feel like it was my wedding day all over again. I guess it kind of is like that. Temple weddings are for a husband and wife to get married for time and all eternity. If they have children biologically, then those children are automatically sealed to the parents, like the mom and dad are sealed to each other. Daddy and I already got married in a temple, but since Daddy and I couldn't create you with our bodies, we wanted to have you sealed to us. We wanted to be a family forever! Eternity.
As I Daddy and I walked through the halls of the temple going to our changing rooms, I looked at Daddy and was so in love with him. He is an honest, kind and loving person. At that moment, everything felt right. Everything was absolutely perfect. He is the love of my life, and I want you to know that we love each other as much as we love you. Love grows and grows. I'm one lucky girl.
Patrick, everyone that could be there, was there. So many more people wanted to. When I saw your Papa Andersen I loved on his face about as much as I loved on yours! Papa A is my dad and he has made me who I am today. It was hard to see him in a wheelchair, but it was kinda fun pushing him around in it. Oh, he loves you soo much! Papa A and Papa C were the witnesses to your sealing. Nana A sat next to me and held my hand and who while the sealer was talking to us. CeeCee got to hold you at the alter when the ceremony took place.
We got sealed in a very special room called the sealing room. There are many rooms like this in the temple. It is where families are sealed together, so they are used often. In each of these rooms are mirrors on both sides of the wall. They are there to symbolize eternity. If you look into one, you can see the other and the image of you goes on forever. There is also a soft cushioned alter where we got to kneel to promise to Heavenly Father that we would take care of each other. Well, that Daddy and I would take care of you and be your forever family.
Patch, the sealing was so beautiful. You were beyond happy and quiet. Aunt RonNell said that she has never witnessed a sealing with a baby that was that good! I of course sobbed. I couldn't help it! It reminded me of when I married your father, and how in love I am with him. It reminded me of my own family and that my siblings, whether they were biological or adopted are sealed to me forever. It reminded me of Mama B and that she would one day be sealed to her love and that we would be connected to her forever. AND, It reminded me mostly of how much I had dreamed of you, wrote to you and loved you from even before you were a thought in Mama B's tummy. I had cuddled with one of your baby blankets month before I knew you were a possibility. Nana had made it and I begged her to give it to me. She first said no, that I would have to wait until I had kids. I convinced her to give it to me anyway. (She knew how sad I was that my babies weren't on their way yet.) So I chose one. She tried to convince me to wait because some were for girls and some for boys, and she said I needed to wait until I knew what kind of baby would be coming before taking a blanket. I told her I knew that one day I would have a little boy and that the blanket would be his. So I chose your blanket, having no idea that you would be coming to us so soon. Something in me knew that you were coming and that you were somehow part of me, even though I couldn't grow you.
The ceremony took less than a minute, but it is by far the most important ceremony in all the world. You have an eternal family because the gospel has been restored and the blessings of the temple are on the earth again. Oh, how I hope that you can understand that when you get older. The spirit was so incredibly strong. In no way could I forget that moment of our lives. I wish every family could witness that.
The temple was beautiful. Not just for how it looks, but for how it makes you feel and for what it does for families. Everything that is done in the temple is to bless families. To help families be together forever and to get closer to our Father in Heaven. I wish I could tell you every detail of what happened, but many things are very special and sacred. I hope that one day you will be able to return to the temple and go back often. I hope that you will have the desire to make good promises with God and try to be more like him. That really is all the temple does. It gets us closer to our Daddy upstairs.
Baby boy, I could write to you all night. I could kiss you all day, but I should go to bed. I will write more later.
Baby Football
Can I just say that I love being able to use your name in my posts now. I have been so nervous about sharing details about us and now that everything is finalized, the fear is gone.
Today was yet another amazing day. I have other post that I am working on, but things have been so crazy that I couldn't keep up with the writing, so they are half finished, and I have to write about what I can remember from today before I forget.
Today is the Super Bowl and more importantly your blessing day. Patrick, everything about today was perfect! In the LDS church, it is custom that when a new baby is born the Father or another man having the Priesthood give the baby a blessing. A few other men, having the same priesthood join with the Father to give support and to use their priesthood to bless the child. Only one person speaks but the rest of the men circle around the baby and put one hand under the baby to sturdy him/her. Their other hand then goes on the right shoulder of the man standing next to them. It reminds me of a football team huddling together focusing on how they can protect the ball. It is truly that way. These wonderful men pull their priesthood power together to protect you, their ball. Maybe I should start calling you Football Baby. Whatchya think?
Daddy was like the quarterback of the huddle. He gave the blessing and it was absolutely perfect in every way. He started off and couldn't hold back his emotions so he began to cry a little. The entire blessing was very heart felt and full praise. Dad, even told me that he new he was going to cry. That's why he was so nervous about it. (He had the worst stomach ache last night because he was so scared to give a blessing in front of so many people.) Mama B recorded the blessing for us. I don't know if that is allowed or not, but I am so grateful she did. I will make sure to save you a copy so that you can listen to it over and over again. Also, a very sweet women in our ward wrote down the blessing for you. I didn't even ask her to do that. How thoughtful.
PS I find that it is much easier to write to you rather than the unknown. I won't put everything out so that people can see. somethings will be just for you. Like what Daddy said in your blessing. That will be in a separate area for you to read and listen to. But I think I may write to you in a lot of my journal posts. I even did that before you were born. In my personal handwritten journal, there are many entries in there that are addressed to Patrick and our other kiddos, by name.
There were so many people there for your big day. All of your aunts and uncles were there and all of your cousins. You had both Nana and Papa and Ceecee and Papa C there too. Also Great Deedee, Great Papa K, Leanne, and Nora came. Woah! I only had a few people at my blessing, then again it was during a blizzard. :) There were also many friends of Mommy's and Daddy's that came to support us. We have a great support group here in North Logan. People love so easily, and we love them back. Even more wanted to be their but couldn't because of sickness or because they lived too far away. Of course Mama B came with her Bo and Pay and Cory were there too! What a great day!
Patrick, you are extremely loved. You are an inspiration to everyone you meet. Your smile melts me and your hugs are medicine for my tired body at the end of the day. Thank you for being you. Thank you for choosing us to be your parents, for choosing Mama B to be your birth mom, and to love us like you loved and still love her.
I thought you might want to know that your Papa A, Uncle Nik and Tawnie (my friend from High School shared their testimonies). Tawnie talked about the beauty of adoption because she is an adoptive mom like me and that God truly knows our pain and loves us. Uncle Nik talked about the beauty of family and how we got sealed together. Papa talked about the beauty of the gospel, the time that he found out that we would be adopting you and how blessed he is. I also shared my testimony. I will write it down just for you. It is special. I will say this, I talked about God playing a loving and important role in our lives. He wants to be a part of our lives. And that I love that your birth mommy wants to be in your life. I'll write the rest for your eyes only.
After the blessing I went to teach my Sunday school class and Daddy took you home for a nap. The past few days have been long, you really needed a snooze. At 12:45 we had the luncheon. Well, that is when people started showing up. We really didn't get eating until 1:05. Which is normal Utah standard time. We had the luncheon at the elementary school where I work at, Summit. We set up the tables last night, so most of the stuff was ready to go. Over 50 people came to the luncheon. Maybe more. That is just the number of people that remembered to sign your blessing book. The food was delicious, and you made your rounds to almost every grown up in the room, and was happy as a clam as well as being very vocal.
I called Mama B and thanked her for coming. I was so grateful that she came to all of your events. She wasn't sure if she could emotionally. She still grieves over not being your mommy. Placing you was the hardest thing that she has ever done, and all of those feelings came back this week and she felt very alone even though she was so happy for you. The other day, Mama B and I had a good talk and shared a few thoughts through email. I think it helped her and me to understand each other better and to help her know that she is loved by everyone. So it was wonderful to see her after the sealing, at dinner, at your blessing and at the luncheon.
I called her after I finished cleaning up the school and told her that today was perfect. When I first talked to her about how open I wanted the adoption to be, I pictured today. I pictured her coming to big events for you and mingling with both sides of our family and of our family loving her like they love me. Truly I pictured her being one of my sisters, and being like a special Aunt to you. It was truly incredible to see how much love people can have for each other. Patches... you did that. You brought your birth mommy and your family together forever, and it is beautiful.
Love bug, I am grateful you are mine forever. I will be the best mommy I can be. You have changed me for the better. My little football.
Today was yet another amazing day. I have other post that I am working on, but things have been so crazy that I couldn't keep up with the writing, so they are half finished, and I have to write about what I can remember from today before I forget.
Today is the Super Bowl and more importantly your blessing day. Patrick, everything about today was perfect! In the LDS church, it is custom that when a new baby is born the Father or another man having the Priesthood give the baby a blessing. A few other men, having the same priesthood join with the Father to give support and to use their priesthood to bless the child. Only one person speaks but the rest of the men circle around the baby and put one hand under the baby to sturdy him/her. Their other hand then goes on the right shoulder of the man standing next to them. It reminds me of a football team huddling together focusing on how they can protect the ball. It is truly that way. These wonderful men pull their priesthood power together to protect you, their ball. Maybe I should start calling you Football Baby. Whatchya think?
Daddy was like the quarterback of the huddle. He gave the blessing and it was absolutely perfect in every way. He started off and couldn't hold back his emotions so he began to cry a little. The entire blessing was very heart felt and full praise. Dad, even told me that he new he was going to cry. That's why he was so nervous about it. (He had the worst stomach ache last night because he was so scared to give a blessing in front of so many people.) Mama B recorded the blessing for us. I don't know if that is allowed or not, but I am so grateful she did. I will make sure to save you a copy so that you can listen to it over and over again. Also, a very sweet women in our ward wrote down the blessing for you. I didn't even ask her to do that. How thoughtful.
PS I find that it is much easier to write to you rather than the unknown. I won't put everything out so that people can see. somethings will be just for you. Like what Daddy said in your blessing. That will be in a separate area for you to read and listen to. But I think I may write to you in a lot of my journal posts. I even did that before you were born. In my personal handwritten journal, there are many entries in there that are addressed to Patrick and our other kiddos, by name.
There were so many people there for your big day. All of your aunts and uncles were there and all of your cousins. You had both Nana and Papa and Ceecee and Papa C there too. Also Great Deedee, Great Papa K, Leanne, and Nora came. Woah! I only had a few people at my blessing, then again it was during a blizzard. :) There were also many friends of Mommy's and Daddy's that came to support us. We have a great support group here in North Logan. People love so easily, and we love them back. Even more wanted to be their but couldn't because of sickness or because they lived too far away. Of course Mama B came with her Bo and Pay and Cory were there too! What a great day!
Patrick, you are extremely loved. You are an inspiration to everyone you meet. Your smile melts me and your hugs are medicine for my tired body at the end of the day. Thank you for being you. Thank you for choosing us to be your parents, for choosing Mama B to be your birth mom, and to love us like you loved and still love her.
I thought you might want to know that your Papa A, Uncle Nik and Tawnie (my friend from High School shared their testimonies). Tawnie talked about the beauty of adoption because she is an adoptive mom like me and that God truly knows our pain and loves us. Uncle Nik talked about the beauty of family and how we got sealed together. Papa talked about the beauty of the gospel, the time that he found out that we would be adopting you and how blessed he is. I also shared my testimony. I will write it down just for you. It is special. I will say this, I talked about God playing a loving and important role in our lives. He wants to be a part of our lives. And that I love that your birth mommy wants to be in your life. I'll write the rest for your eyes only.
After the blessing I went to teach my Sunday school class and Daddy took you home for a nap. The past few days have been long, you really needed a snooze. At 12:45 we had the luncheon. Well, that is when people started showing up. We really didn't get eating until 1:05. Which is normal Utah standard time. We had the luncheon at the elementary school where I work at, Summit. We set up the tables last night, so most of the stuff was ready to go. Over 50 people came to the luncheon. Maybe more. That is just the number of people that remembered to sign your blessing book. The food was delicious, and you made your rounds to almost every grown up in the room, and was happy as a clam as well as being very vocal.
I called Mama B and thanked her for coming. I was so grateful that she came to all of your events. She wasn't sure if she could emotionally. She still grieves over not being your mommy. Placing you was the hardest thing that she has ever done, and all of those feelings came back this week and she felt very alone even though she was so happy for you. The other day, Mama B and I had a good talk and shared a few thoughts through email. I think it helped her and me to understand each other better and to help her know that she is loved by everyone. So it was wonderful to see her after the sealing, at dinner, at your blessing and at the luncheon.
I called her after I finished cleaning up the school and told her that today was perfect. When I first talked to her about how open I wanted the adoption to be, I pictured today. I pictured her coming to big events for you and mingling with both sides of our family and of our family loving her like they love me. Truly I pictured her being one of my sisters, and being like a special Aunt to you. It was truly incredible to see how much love people can have for each other. Patches... you did that. You brought your birth mommy and your family together forever, and it is beautiful.
Love bug, I am grateful you are mine forever. I will be the best mommy I can be. You have changed me for the better. My little football.
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