Today was an emotional roller coaster.
First: My baby boy!! I can write about you with your name and not be worried about people finding out anymore. You are mine.
The past few nights I have been overwhelmed, to say the least, and full of excitement and love for the day of finalization for your adoption. I wanted everything to be perfect for you, the sealing in the temple and for your blessing. I have been trying my best to organize all of the details of the events and invite everyone that I love to join, which is 99.9% of the human race. I made Daddy help me deep clean the entire upstairs, bathroom, living room and anywhere else we could get to. Personally, I don't like to clean, actually... does anyone? But I clean when I get nervous, and I was so nervous, not because of you, but because I didn't know what to expect.
Here are a few silly things I did last night because I wanted things to go smoothly. First, I realized after you went to bed, that I didn't have a nice shirt for you to wear. (You have nice shirts, but I wanted you to wear a little suit. You had a growth spurt last week and the shirts I wanted you to wear didn't fit! Ahhh! (That's how I felt at the time. Maybe I was a bit irrational. I'm over it now.) So, after I read you the scriptures, a few more books, sang some songs and put you down for bed, I rushed to 5 different stores to find a suit for you to wear. NOTHING. No one had suits in your size. :( I did find a very handsome button up shirt and slacks, though.
Second, I had to go to school to get a few things ready for my sub. Since the beginning of January, I've had to go back to work full time. You will probably hear me say that I hate getting subs to teach my class. This is because it takes Mommy, and any teacher for that matter, a lot of time to write plans for someone to take over the class. Well, I rushed to school to print off my sub plans and to get everything ready for the Substitute and my little 1st grade munchkins. (PS, I have a picture of you on my school computer, anytime I project the computer screen my class ooo's and aw's over you. "Oh!!!! Baby Patch is just soooo cute!")
Third, when I got home, I noticed that Daddy needed his hair cut. I have been thinking about this for a while, but since I am busy playing with you and trying to work, I didn't have time to give his hair a trim, so I sat your Popsie down and cut his hair. He didn't see why I had to do this so late at night, but when I get an urge to cut his hair, I just have to get it done. (I do this with your too. :) Your hair looks pretty good, cuz I trim it a lot.)
Fourth, I finally got a shower and picked my clothing out for the next day. I wanted everything ready. Fifth, I got all of your things ready as well. I tell ya, I was like a mad women, energizer bunny style. I just kept going! Finally I crawled into bed and tried to sleep, but my mind was racing a mile a minute and sleep came much later.
Second, I had to go to school to get a few things ready for my sub. Since the beginning of January, I've had to go back to work full time. You will probably hear me say that I hate getting subs to teach my class. This is because it takes Mommy, and any teacher for that matter, a lot of time to write plans for someone to take over the class. Well, I rushed to school to print off my sub plans and to get everything ready for the Substitute and my little 1st grade munchkins. (PS, I have a picture of you on my school computer, anytime I project the computer screen my class ooo's and aw's over you. "Oh!!!! Baby Patch is just soooo cute!")
Third, when I got home, I noticed that Daddy needed his hair cut. I have been thinking about this for a while, but since I am busy playing with you and trying to work, I didn't have time to give his hair a trim, so I sat your Popsie down and cut his hair. He didn't see why I had to do this so late at night, but when I get an urge to cut his hair, I just have to get it done. (I do this with your too. :) Your hair looks pretty good, cuz I trim it a lot.)
Fourth, I finally got a shower and picked my clothing out for the next day. I wanted everything ready. Fifth, I got all of your things ready as well. I tell ya, I was like a mad women, energizer bunny style. I just kept going! Finally I crawled into bed and tried to sleep, but my mind was racing a mile a minute and sleep came much later.
The next morning I was on cloud 9. It was finally here. Finalization! My heart was bursting with nervous excitement and... well .... PEACE. Yes peace, even though I was nervous, the peace was still there and very strong. Daddy and I woke up at 8:15 thinking, in our sleep deprived minds, that we didn't have to wake up until 9. Oh know, we needed to be to the courthouse at 9. Thank goodness for cell phone reminders. We made it there at 8:56. You were wearing your new, striped, button up shirt with blue slacks. And your hair, well it was sooo handsome! I brushed it to the side to make you look very professional. Nothing could have made you look more adorable!
When we got inside the courthouse, the officers checking us in were sweet as can be. They mentioned how happy they were for us and admired your head of hair and big blue eyes. The building was peaceful with only one other group there. It felt like the entire world had stopped for a moment and focused only on our little family. My favorite moment was when Popsie and I were waiting outside the court room for our attorney and caseworker. The morning sun was shining brightly through the glass windows and illuminated the entire hallway. You kept wanting to look directly into the beams of light. Daddy tried to stop you because he thought you might become blind. At that time, I knew that no matter what challenges our life brought, we were going to be the happiest family in the world. We had each other. My heart began to burst even more than it already had. The tears started forming and I tried to choke them down. Daddy just smiled at me and gave me a little tease.
When our caseworker and attorney got there, we went over some final details of what to expect and then entered the court room. We were the first case of the day, but other people trickled in to wait for their turn while we were waiting for the judge. We waited for what seemed like an eternity! Our judge was in a meeting that went over and was unable to make it in time. My anticipation grew and so did my emotions. I tried to hold it in, but my gratitude was overflowing and I found myself deep in thought about the events of the past 6 months. Your birth, the open adoption, the way Daddy looks at you when he gives you a bottle in the middle of the night, your sweet jabbers and your tiny hands clinging to my shoulder as we snuggle. I knew that if the judge didn't get there soon I would completely loose my ability to speak clearly through my hysterical sobbing. (I so wish I could be one of those people who didn't sound like a drowning cat when they cry.) I cry all the time now. Happy cries!
While we were waiting the bailiff chatted with us. She couldn't get over how cute and attentive to the situation you were. She asked a few questions trying to understand the adoption process. Her talking to us, and being so friendly, helped to calm my nerves.
Finally, the judge arrived clearly annoyed with whomever kept him at the meeting for so long. Our attorney warned us that our judge was very serious in the courtroom and to keep our answers free from humor. I knew this would be hard for your Dad. He likes to make jokes. But the judge was kind, he did have a serious demeanor, but I could tell he was happy to be there for an adoption case.
Dustin Erickson, our attorney first asked Charity, our caseworker to go to the stand and answer a few questions. What is your job? Did you help with the adoption? Did you visit their home? Do you feel like they have bonded with Patrick? Do you think it would be in the best interest to have Patrick stay in their home? She gave us the clear in all areas.
Then Dustin asked Dad some questions. What is your name? Spell it for me? (Which Dad got a little nervous and stuttered over how to spell his middle name.) What year were you born? Who are you married to? When did you get married? Then he asked Jeff to tell the judge how he felt about the relationship he has with you. Daddy said that he loved you and that he enjoys waking up with you at night. Since he has been able to stay at home with you, he told the judge that he was very grateful to be able to have a chance to be home with you, and that he is looking forward to watching you grow up. (Daddy and you are best friends.)
Then it was my turn. What is your name? Spell it for me? What year were you born? Who are you married to? When did you get married? And then, when he asked that question, I lost it. The tears came and the drowning cat sounds blubbered from my lips. Daddy looked at me and asked if I remembered the answer to the question. I gave him the most annoyed look, like of course I remember! I'm a bit feisty sometimes... ok always. The emotions just came and I couldn't hold them back anymore. At that time, the judge sweetly said, "Take as long as you need." Dustin, reassured me and I gained some composer. The spirit entered the court room. My heart was bursting, and I started to speak. It came out so fast that I can't remember everything I said. I do remember that I started by saying that I loved you more than anything. I also said that I never once thought that you didn't belong with us and that I felt like we were meant to be a family. I shared how I loved being with you even though you get cranky sometimes and that I want nothing more than to be your mom forever. After my tear felt statement, I heard sniffles coming from behind me and saw that the bailiff was also in tears. The judge had a softness to his eyes, Dustin 's eyes were misty, Daddy looked proud and I can't even remember if Charity was crying or not.
Dustin then turned the time over to the judge and he read the prepared statement of the details of the case. He then stated that he has seen that we obviously love and care for you. That he thought we would be good parents and that from this day forth we will be a family in the eyes of the law.
Immediately, a weight lifted from my shoulders. A weight that I had become accustomed to. I didn't realize that I was still carrying it. I had been worried about the what if's of everything. What if your birth dad fought the adoption? What if Mama B changes her mind? What if the judge says no. what if we don't get approved. Even though some of those what if's weren't even possible, the crazy side of me would think about them. But all of the what if's were gone! You became ours. Officially. You have always been part of us. I never thought differently, but it was a relief to have the court see that as well.
Afterward, two women came up to us. Daddy was getting copies of some documents and Charity and I were playing with you when the women tapped me on the shoulder. They said that they had been in the court room with us and that listening to how much we love you made their day. They said their lives were better for being in court today, because they got to witness us turning into a family. Charity smiled and after the women left she said, "I knew this little boy was going to keep changing lives." I agree.
We stayed just a few minutes longer and then got into the car and drove to McDonald's to get some breakfast for Mom and Dad. You were almost ready for a nap. The day was perfect!
When we got inside the courthouse, the officers checking us in were sweet as can be. They mentioned how happy they were for us and admired your head of hair and big blue eyes. The building was peaceful with only one other group there. It felt like the entire world had stopped for a moment and focused only on our little family. My favorite moment was when Popsie and I were waiting outside the court room for our attorney and caseworker. The morning sun was shining brightly through the glass windows and illuminated the entire hallway. You kept wanting to look directly into the beams of light. Daddy tried to stop you because he thought you might become blind. At that time, I knew that no matter what challenges our life brought, we were going to be the happiest family in the world. We had each other. My heart began to burst even more than it already had. The tears started forming and I tried to choke them down. Daddy just smiled at me and gave me a little tease.
When our caseworker and attorney got there, we went over some final details of what to expect and then entered the court room. We were the first case of the day, but other people trickled in to wait for their turn while we were waiting for the judge. We waited for what seemed like an eternity! Our judge was in a meeting that went over and was unable to make it in time. My anticipation grew and so did my emotions. I tried to hold it in, but my gratitude was overflowing and I found myself deep in thought about the events of the past 6 months. Your birth, the open adoption, the way Daddy looks at you when he gives you a bottle in the middle of the night, your sweet jabbers and your tiny hands clinging to my shoulder as we snuggle. I knew that if the judge didn't get there soon I would completely loose my ability to speak clearly through my hysterical sobbing. (I so wish I could be one of those people who didn't sound like a drowning cat when they cry.) I cry all the time now. Happy cries!
While we were waiting the bailiff chatted with us. She couldn't get over how cute and attentive to the situation you were. She asked a few questions trying to understand the adoption process. Her talking to us, and being so friendly, helped to calm my nerves.
Finally, the judge arrived clearly annoyed with whomever kept him at the meeting for so long. Our attorney warned us that our judge was very serious in the courtroom and to keep our answers free from humor. I knew this would be hard for your Dad. He likes to make jokes. But the judge was kind, he did have a serious demeanor, but I could tell he was happy to be there for an adoption case.
Dustin Erickson, our attorney first asked Charity, our caseworker to go to the stand and answer a few questions. What is your job? Did you help with the adoption? Did you visit their home? Do you feel like they have bonded with Patrick? Do you think it would be in the best interest to have Patrick stay in their home? She gave us the clear in all areas.
Then Dustin asked Dad some questions. What is your name? Spell it for me? (Which Dad got a little nervous and stuttered over how to spell his middle name.) What year were you born? Who are you married to? When did you get married? Then he asked Jeff to tell the judge how he felt about the relationship he has with you. Daddy said that he loved you and that he enjoys waking up with you at night. Since he has been able to stay at home with you, he told the judge that he was very grateful to be able to have a chance to be home with you, and that he is looking forward to watching you grow up. (Daddy and you are best friends.)
Then it was my turn. What is your name? Spell it for me? What year were you born? Who are you married to? When did you get married? And then, when he asked that question, I lost it. The tears came and the drowning cat sounds blubbered from my lips. Daddy looked at me and asked if I remembered the answer to the question. I gave him the most annoyed look, like of course I remember! I'm a bit feisty sometimes... ok always. The emotions just came and I couldn't hold them back anymore. At that time, the judge sweetly said, "Take as long as you need." Dustin, reassured me and I gained some composer. The spirit entered the court room. My heart was bursting, and I started to speak. It came out so fast that I can't remember everything I said. I do remember that I started by saying that I loved you more than anything. I also said that I never once thought that you didn't belong with us and that I felt like we were meant to be a family. I shared how I loved being with you even though you get cranky sometimes and that I want nothing more than to be your mom forever. After my tear felt statement, I heard sniffles coming from behind me and saw that the bailiff was also in tears. The judge had a softness to his eyes, Dustin 's eyes were misty, Daddy looked proud and I can't even remember if Charity was crying or not.
Dustin then turned the time over to the judge and he read the prepared statement of the details of the case. He then stated that he has seen that we obviously love and care for you. That he thought we would be good parents and that from this day forth we will be a family in the eyes of the law.
Immediately, a weight lifted from my shoulders. A weight that I had become accustomed to. I didn't realize that I was still carrying it. I had been worried about the what if's of everything. What if your birth dad fought the adoption? What if Mama B changes her mind? What if the judge says no. what if we don't get approved. Even though some of those what if's weren't even possible, the crazy side of me would think about them. But all of the what if's were gone! You became ours. Officially. You have always been part of us. I never thought differently, but it was a relief to have the court see that as well.
Afterward, two women came up to us. Daddy was getting copies of some documents and Charity and I were playing with you when the women tapped me on the shoulder. They said that they had been in the court room with us and that listening to how much we love you made their day. They said their lives were better for being in court today, because they got to witness us turning into a family. Charity smiled and after the women left she said, "I knew this little boy was going to keep changing lives." I agree.
We stayed just a few minutes longer and then got into the car and drove to McDonald's to get some breakfast for Mom and Dad. You were almost ready for a nap. The day was perfect!
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