Winter depressed

I feel so alone!

This was written a little over a week ago. Wow! How amazing is medicine. When the seasons change, I knew that I get more depressed, but since I have been trying to document it, I've noticed it more. The medications I am taking have helped a great deal and I was doing superbly well. Then when it started to get dark around 5 and the winter weather hit, something drastically changed. I wanted to die. I wasn't suicidal, but would have rather been gone. Jeff couldn't do anything for me. I didn't want to go to church. I felt even worse when I did. I questioned every little thing and almost decided to not believe in God. The entire time I fought and fought, wondering what was wrong. Then it dawned on me that I should start talking more depression medicine and up the dosage. It took 3 days to see a difference, but now I am back to normal.

Thank God for modern day medicine. 

I still question many things and my belief in religion, but I've always done that however, I have my drive back to learn more and read the scriptures. 

Speaking of, I found this today while I was rereading one of my old scriptures:

I need to remember this. This is why I chose to be Hardy at Oakcrest. I looked up in the thesaurus and searched for a good and powerful word to pick my camp name, and I settled on Hardy: meaning courage. I'm not really courageous, but I try to do what I can to say what needs to be said and overcome challenges of the heart, mind and my surroundings. I fail miserably most of the time, but at least I'm trying.