Melodramatic Me

I'm having a hard time tonight.  My husband and I have been having more disagreements than usual.  We are both stressed and can't do anything about it. We need money and education so our time is limited. This makes me feel so sad.  I hate feeling like this.  To be honest, I have been having a hard time for the past few weeks.  Some days are wonderful, but then there are days like this, where everything just explodes and all emotions are at a high.  Usually I don't like to write when I am like this.  I feel like I am complaining and that makes me a bad person.  But tonight, I want to write.  I want others to know how I feel, and I just wish that my husband could understand my feelings.  That's the story of every woman's life. Right? I shouldn't be so hurt, but I can't help it.  

Sometimes, I wonder if depression is creeping up again.  I hate that feeling even more.  Our caseworker warned me about post pardon depression, yes it happens to adoptive parents as well, and I think we might be feeling some of that.  It has nothing to do with our son, it has everything to do with not feeling like we are on the same page anymore.  We were so different, but could mesh super well.  My hubby and I. Now our personalities have become more distinct and we are at the point where we resent each other sometimes.  He resents that I work.  I resent that I have to work.  He resents that I don't make dinner as much, I resent that I don't have time to cook.  I resent him for still being in school and not having a full time job. He resents me for having a full time job. (Really it is a full time with weekends and holidays on top of overtime, type of job). The list could go on. 

I'm nervous to write this, because his family members might read this.  But this is my journal so I've got to tell the truth about how I feel. Oh, I hope they actually don't read this.  It would give them a good reason to not like me. I should have just kept this private. Ugh.

The worst thing is that I do love my husband so much.  That's why it hurts so badly.  Now, I sound super melodramatic . . . This has got to be depression talking. Someone once told me that the person who will hurt you the most will be the person you love the most.  I get that now, it's not because that person is mean, it's because you love them so much that you don't want to disappoint them and you really do care what they think. 

I hope birth mommy doesn't want to take back superman when she reads this.  I'm sure she will read it at some point. 

Why do I have to be so honest with my feelings?  It's my best and worst quality.  For sure my worst most of the time. 

Well, maybe since I have vented, I can get over these feelings.  Get back to normal and stop being stupid.